tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-113991612011-11-30T20:34:36.066-05:00How to avoid stepping in the big pile of crap that is the dating life, or, failing that, how to do the least damage to yourself and others in your quest for Mr. or Ms. RightKen Wheatonnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1051100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-22387462448896374592008-11-07T12:01:00.002-05:002008-11-07T12:11:46.596-05:00

Some fun facts about Rahm Emanuel:1. He's the first chief of staff to have nine fingers.*2. He was a former ballet dancer.*3. He shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.4. Can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting.5. In the 70s, he did tons of porn. (submitted by a colleague) 6. His porn name was Ram Manual. (submitted by another colleague)7. His middle name is Sue. (submitted by yet another

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-53372999404768118402008-10-24T19:54:00.002-04:002008-10-24T19:59:27.757-04:00

Today, I just signed the official contract for my first novel with the good folks at Kensington Books. For those of you who've known me awhile, this is NOT the big ol' Jesus novel. Rather, this one's about a Louisiana priest. And before you scream "Leave the church alone," rest assured that no altar boys were molested during the plot of this novel. In essence, it's a light-hearted comedy with a

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-40106408600756344472008-01-03T21:26:00.001-05:002008-04-08T19:56:57.166-04:00

I'll dispense with the suspense immediately. Memphis barbecue was a disappointment. And though I haven't completed my tour of American 'cue regions, Texas is still the clear leader. For anyone who knows me and my predilection for pork and pork-based products, it may come as a shock to hear me chucking in with the beef crowd, but such is life.The fact of the matter is pork predominates in cue

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-57060128036620726662007-08-24T19:41:00.000-04:002007-08-24T19:42:03.704-04:00

Me in the mornings

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-36912154386648464572007-08-13T15:30:00.000-04:002007-08-13T15:33:39.868-04:00

You've heard of LOLcats and Cute Overload (right? I mean LOLCats totally rock) ... now there's Momo. Go. Read. Submit your own photos and captions.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-45436162000036460992007-06-25T14:46:00.000-04:002007-06-25T14:55:35.516-04:00

Read this book! It's called the Landsman, and it was written by my good friend Peter Melman. Set during the Civil War and in New Orleans and various battlefields, it follows young Elias Abrams.Since I usually suck at describing books, I'll let Publishers Weekly help me out: 'A barely literate hard-bitten gambler and petty criminal, Elias Abrams, the 20-year-old cardsharp hero of Melman's solid

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-71355692813743602952007-06-18T12:54:00.000-04:002007-06-18T12:57:06.039-04:00

Please go to this poll and vote for Homesick Texan. It's a food blogger type thing. You like food don't you. And she's the only person in this area who I wouldn't go head-to-head with in a chili competition -- because I don't like losing and she'd kill me. Anyway, go vote for her. You can win a trip for two for yourself as well! If you're the sort who HAS to see the blog before voting, here it is.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-38535395348503101902007-05-30T14:13:00.001-04:002007-05-30T14:15:50.996-04:00

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-46827039263013984122007-01-17T14:30:00.000-05:002007-01-19T12:33:39.723-05:00

UPDATE... I had my links messed up below. It's now since been fixed. The daily dose of insanity can be found here. I've got nothing to say. Really. I'm too busy pursuing other interests that MIGHT get me paid or some such. That, and it's football season. That and Giada has a new travel show, which a) has her walking on a Miami beach in a bikini top and glistening with salt spray from a jet-ski

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1163694471346904022006-11-16T11:19:00.000-05:002006-11-16T11:35:39.550-05:00

It's not often that I run press releases here and I think the only time I ever hit yall up for money was after Katrina, but I'm going to post this here. Adrienne Shelly was killed earlier this month. I'll just say that Adrienne was a friend of Susan's and came through for Susan in a big way when Susan needed an apartment a few years back. Judging by how heart-breaking the memorial service was,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1163172862199674312006-11-10T10:27:00.000-05:002006-11-10T10:34:22.223-05:00

Okay chucklemonkeys, I'll be reading from The Subway Chronicles on Monday, Nov. 13 at the Barnes & Noble on Court Street in Brooklyn Heights. If you live in New York, you have no excuse! The 2, 3, 4, 5, R and F trains all pull up in that vicinity. A blind, no-legged dog could find this place and get there in under five minutes.Also reading will be Tim McLoughlin, editor of the Brooklyn Noir

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1162934637531333552006-11-07T16:13:00.000-05:002006-11-07T16:25:29.483-05:00

So some of you, it seems, want a little more out of Match.com than the standard two subpar dates leading to the slightly awkward sex on the third date and then never hearing from the person again. Some of you were shocked when you clicked on the PLAY box on Nerve.com and received emails from every perv in a three-state region. And Craiglist? Well, if you're looking for dates on Craigslist, you

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1162439986864411932006-11-01T22:15:00.000-05:002006-11-01T22:59:46.943-05:00

Hello, my little chowderheads. In the immortal words of Jim Anchower, it's been a while since I rapped at ya, but here I am, clattering away at my keyboard and trying to sit straight up to compensate for a herniated disc. This getting old thing is crap, if you ask me. Crap in a bucket. At any rate, I recently received an email from a reader, so why don't we jump right in.Hey, Kenny. Today a

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1161962123880006442006-10-27T11:13:00.000-04:002006-10-27T11:15:23.916-04:00

Firstly, I want to let you kiddies know that I received an email plea for my expert dating advice. So you have that to look forward to next week at some point (of course, by then, my little dater in need may have moved on, but such is life). In the meantime, check out Susan's post about dating people with no money.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1161702045394969382006-10-24T10:59:00.000-04:002006-10-24T11:01:00.270-04:00

Boy, if I was the bitter sort, I'd gripe about the New York Post running an article called Your Lays Are Numbered, that included some of the most painfully obvious "news" ever printed -- and did so without making me laugh even once. But I'm not the bitter sort. Nope.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1161012461776903502006-10-16T11:18:00.000-04:002006-10-16T11:27:41.796-04:00

The last time I involved myself in a cooking challenge, I had to bring some smackdown on New Yorkers who thought they knew their way around a pot of chili. Suckers. At any rate, I think I may have found a new challenge.Speaking of chili, Homesick Texan is spilling the beans sharing her chili recipe this week (real Texas Red doesn't use beans). Why should you care? Because hers is the only chili I

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1160173408632611152006-10-06T18:18:00.000-04:002006-10-06T18:23:28.776-04:00

Back from Peru. Here's my account of the trip in fewer words than there are types of potatoes in Peru.If you're too lazy to read, you can view all 268 photos here.Interested in food? Read Susan's Piehole play by play here (scroll down to Monday Oct. 2 and start from there).Enjoy!

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1158981628931825282006-09-22T23:18:00.000-04:002006-09-22T23:20:28.953-04:00

Okay, so I'm still in Brooklyn as I write this, but Susan and I are heading out to Peru tomorrow. Sample a little roast guinea pig. Check out what all this Machu Pichu foolishness is about. See if maybe I can find that Cornholio dude on the shores of Lake Titicaca (bringing an extra roll of TP just in case).Enjoy your week sitting in an office and wondering if your life has any purpose.Suckahs!

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1158348072091421702006-09-15T15:15:00.000-04:002006-09-15T15:21:12.113-04:00

Susan has some helpful advice for the ladies about falling for guys with accents.Guys, in general, don't have this problem. Sure, a French accent on a girl might sound cute, but unless she's got a nice pair of boobs, it ain't going to do her any good.Where women get in trouble with accents, I think, is that--especially in the case of the European accents--there is this mistaken assumption of both

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1157482917566794482006-09-05T14:57:00.000-04:002006-09-05T15:01:57.650-04:00

I'll be reading from The Subway Chronicles this Thursday at Book Court on Court Street in Cobble Hill. Be there.What: Me. Reading. From Book.When: Thursday, Sept. 7. 8 p.m.Where: Book Court. 163 Court Street. Brooklyn, New York. Convenient to 2, 3, 4, 5, R and F Trains.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156961651897894722006-08-30T14:05:00.000-04:002006-08-30T14:14:11.946-04:00

You may think Battlestar Galactica has nothing to do with dating, but in my home it does. In fact, our anniversary is known as Battlestar Galactica Day ... and Susan doesn't even watch the show.At any rate. I need you guys to help me make a decision. In my hands, nestled in a snazzy leather bound folder complete with really big glossy photos of hot Cylons, I have the first four episodes of season

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156880248856460282006-08-29T15:28:00.000-04:002006-08-29T15:37:28.870-04:00

People in couples often kind of miss their single days. People who are single often can't wait to be coupled with someone. But what's been striking me funny lately is this. Blogspot blogs have been around, by this point, for roughly 100 years. If you're trying to start a new blog, often the best names are taken, especially if the topic is a popular one.So when Susan wanted to start a blog about

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156542349308880812006-08-25T17:25:00.000-04:002006-08-25T17:45:49.386-04:00

For whatever weird reason, a couple of us in the office were talking about using the phrase "the down low," when I was told there is a gay definition for this phrase--a very specific gay definition.The down low is when "men in heterosexual relationships have sex with other men unbeknownst to their wives or girlfriends." Even more specific I was told by a coworker, white gays usually reserve this

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156523149742304162006-08-25T12:24:00.000-04:002006-08-25T12:25:49.813-04:00

A little gallows humor:Q: "So, what are you doing for Labor Day?"A: "Evacuating!"

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156343266385532252006-08-23T10:11:00.000-04:002006-08-23T19:53:19.546-04:00

A guy like me, someone who has, as I like to tell the honeys who work in HR, a considerable "skill set," gets used to being gawked at while riding the mass transit system here in New York. Hey, it happens. A person sees an exemplary specimen of the human race walking amongst the common folk, it's hard not to look.But this morning, after the sideways glances and flirtatious flits of the eyelids

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156303990863942162006-08-22T23:24:00.000-04:002006-08-22T23:33:10.883-04:00

Once a week, Susan goes out to Queens to visit Grandma--over the river (or under it, depending on the train) and through the hood and all that noise. Tonight, that weekly trip left me with the opportunity to see a certain movie. I'd been hearing about this movie for months and was looking forward to seeing it. I'd heard it was best seen with a group, so I e-mailed a few of the guys: one claimed

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1156270969964189752006-08-22T14:20:00.000-04:002006-08-22T16:39:44.656-04:00

For any Ace readers popping by looking for some hot Flat Fatima action or further hints on how to live the lifestyle, I'd say scroll around but all the good stuff (with the exception of the upcoming book noted in the post below) is in the Chapters section on the sidebar. A good place to start? Breaking up made easy. And the always-popular Friend Zone.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1155656987855101882006-08-15T11:45:00.000-04:002006-08-15T11:54:23.516-04:00

Dropping on book stores next week, "The Subway Chronicles: Scenes From Life In New York" Edited by Jacquelin Cangro, with essays by Jonathan Lethem, Francine Prose, Colson Whitehead, Calvin Trillin and KEN FRICKIN WHEATON (Yes, that's my middle name.). The New York Times says: "Reading a Chronicles story is like spotting a person undressing in an apartment across the street." I don't know about

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1154399330729034572006-07-31T22:23:00.000-04:002006-07-31T22:30:16.970-04:00

Okay, stop the presses or whatever the blog equivalent is. Remember how not too long ago, I threw up a post after months of silence and, among other things I said: "I know some folk who are back on the dating scene after long relationships and no doubt that will provide me with tons of laughs material." (Yes, I still love to quote myself.)Well, Susan (formerly known as GF) is not only bogarting

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1152820685472707792006-07-13T15:57:00.000-04:002006-07-13T15:58:05.486-04:00

Coming this Christmas. Murph's got the goods.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1152727623008453662006-07-12T13:54:00.000-04:002006-07-12T14:07:03.076-04:00

I've never used the dating service Mate 1. But I was once briefly tempted to some naughty thoughts by one of the sultry vixens the company uses for its ads.Then I noticed her abnormally huge, slightly discolored boobs. And not only were her boobs not quite the same color as the rest of her body, but her shirt seemed to go from real-world color to an HTML color in the breast area. That's right,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1152649951489195902006-07-11T16:15:00.000-04:002006-07-13T17:04:07.146-04:00

Read this post by Fish, in which she finds she's got the hots for French soccer player Headbutty McButt (I think his momz was Scottish) after he gets all aggro on a fellow soccer player, then read some of the comments. Here you have classic examples of people saying what they really think and people saying what they think they're supposed to think. In this case, a woman is turned on by a play of

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1151519784712692692006-06-28T14:21:00.000-04:002006-06-28T14:36:58.856-04:00

Hola, amigos. Not to sound like Jim Anchower, but I know it's been awhile since I rapped at ya. And I can't even blame this silence on my piece-of-shit Gremlin falling apart or my slacker friends always hanging out in my crib and smoking all my pot.I don't have a Gremlin, I don't smoke pot and, having learned from past mistakes, I don't let my friends in my home.After a promotion at work, I've

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1147991691498259612006-05-18T18:34:00.000-04:002006-05-18T18:34:51.516-04:00

Guaranteed to help you sleep at night.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1147961862144863682006-05-18T10:16:00.000-04:002006-05-18T10:17:42.183-04:00

All I have to say about this photo composition is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.This is the sort of thing you couldn't dream up in a million years.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1147810483705455542006-05-16T16:02:00.000-04:002006-05-16T16:48:40.150-04:00

Hola amigos, it's been a while since I rapped at ya. If you're still out there and you still care, here's some updates on what's happening.See Ken have dialogueAbout dating, no less. Esther K. has wrangled me onto a panel at Sex and the City Day. Sunday May 21, 3 p.m. See Ken FightThat's right, it's karate time boys and girls. I'll be participating in the Tiger Schulmann Challenge of Champions in

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1146669011901428172006-05-03T11:06:00.000-04:002006-05-03T11:10:11.926-04:00

Well, well, well. Looks like Lola and JD have made friends, as she's now co-blogging over at Blogger Ale. By the way, if you haven't been checking out Lola's "Hate Letters" series, you should. And you might want to submit as well.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1145544017290738282006-04-20T10:28:00.000-04:002006-04-20T12:51:14.780-04:00

If I were still on the market, nookin' for nub in all the wrong places, striking out, getting rejected, becoming convinced that I would find myself lonely and afraid at the age of 65 eating catfood from the can while watching "Home Improvement" reruns, a story like this would have depressed me. Mary Kate Graham's boyfriend, Gary Ruvolo, is fond of recounting every detail of their first date 13

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1145475106369130482006-04-19T15:30:00.000-04:002006-04-19T15:31:46.390-04:00

See this book? I've got an essay in it. Order it now, please. It'll be a nice surprise for you come August. (And yes, you'll be hearing about this repeatedly).

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1145199911590034882006-04-16T11:04:00.000-04:002006-04-16T11:05:11.606-04:00

A lot.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1144792299807552762006-04-11T17:50:00.000-04:002006-04-11T17:51:39.850-04:00

JD's got a post (and a poll ... take the poll so he'll shut up already) on the dangers that Ikea can pose to a relationship.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1144694997165254972006-04-10T13:58:00.000-04:002006-04-20T13:39:29.253-04:00

Blogs. They cause trouble everywhere they raise their bloggy little heads. Politics. Media. Yes, even dating. Perhaps, especially dating.Nothing can screw up a relationship quite like a blog can. Okay, that's ridiculous. Plenty of things can screw up a relationship much better than a blog can. Financial issues, lack of communication, jealous lovers, old flames, general malaise, extreme political

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1144185812722394312006-04-04T17:21:00.000-04:002006-04-04T17:23:32.750-04:00

Sorry folks. Been busy. And been living like a savage without internet connection for too long now. But that's been remedied. So your lives will be empty no longer. Now all I have to do is figure out what to write. Any ideas? Any relationship issues you want me to tackle?By the way, Susan (aka GF) has started a blog. Sort of. Check it out.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1141763840535343802006-03-07T15:32:00.000-05:002006-03-07T15:37:20.620-05:00

If there’s one thing that observing relationships confirms over and over again it’s this: women and men are idiots.Three times in the last year I’ve had girlfriends of mine call me or sign on to IM in a state of panic about their relationships. That’s not such an odd thing. Women are prone to drama and freak out about relationships (and need to talk about those freakouts) more often. This does

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1140202200580836852006-02-17T13:49:00.000-05:002006-02-17T13:50:00.620-05:00

Ace nails it when it comes to how men and women count sexual experiences. Funnnneeee

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1140017924952697792006-02-15T10:21:00.000-05:002006-02-15T10:38:45.003-05:00

So yesterday was Valentine's Day. I'm sure that due to all my expert advice over the past year, you all had a lovely day. Right?Me? Pretty good. We started out the evening with a nice meal at a French restaurant. Had a bottle of wine. Just to make sure the French (and by "the French" I mean our Jamaican waitress) didn't get to full of themselves because I'd decided to grace them with my presence,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1139944644950694612006-02-14T14:14:00.000-05:002006-02-14T14:17:24.970-05:00

Woman gets rebuffed by Eharmony.com for being separated. Interesting case to say the least. Be sure to read the comments as well. If you're not cool enough to have a Consumerist commenting password, feel free to comment here.I think Eharmony is well within its rights to ban separated people and that it's reason for doing so is spot on. However, I think I can imagine what kind of major blood

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1139600781527707752006-02-10T14:30:00.000-05:002006-02-10T14:46:21.560-05:00

Love@AOL has conducted a nationwide poll of best dating cities. Guess which Capital of the World isn't among them. Now, that COULD be because New York is a great place to catch the clap, but not Mr. or Ms. Right. Or it could be that about seven people in NYC would even think of participating in an AOL survey. I'll leave that up to you to decide. But if you're living in Atlanta, then you're in

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1138919376461708232006-02-02T17:25:00.000-05:002006-02-03T17:47:12.546-05:00

I've written about nondates before. There's a Wikipedia entry with a much funnier name for it: Schrodinger's Date.UPDATE: Rotten bastards voted for deletion. Oh well. Go watch this. It's funny.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1138412383273797472006-01-27T20:31:00.000-05:002006-01-27T20:39:43.350-05:00

Here's an ad for Village Voice personals. I have a feeling it'll only convince people that personals are for whack-jobs. It is funny, though.Jdaters Anonymous has a long discussion going in comments section about Friends with Benefits. I kind of disagree with everyone in that one. Too much confusing love and sex if you ask me. And the obvious answer is that these relationships don't progress

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1138032231804425842006-01-23T10:32:00.000-05:002006-01-23T11:07:21.536-05:00

I'm about halfway done with what will no-doubt be a ground-breaking, Pulitzer-worthy post regarding couple's therapy, but football playoffs and the company retreat are intervening. In the mean time, why don't we have a discussion about online dating?Karol--who, like Dick Morris, has a great deal of knowledge but still always seems to come to the wrong conclusions--informs us in comments on the

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1137617424844547562006-01-18T15:48:00.000-05:002006-01-18T15:50:24.846-05:00

Not that I necessarily have any, but I've been asked for a link exchange by the good folks over at My Best Date which seems to be a reputable online dating site. So I've added them to the sidebar.Online dating works people. Get on it.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1137257691742555982006-01-14T11:38:00.000-05:002006-01-14T11:54:51.793-05:00

So the GF made what some would consider the foolish decision to fly south with me for the holidays. No, not to the islands, not to Florida, not even to the hills of Kentucky.No she agreed to ... MEET THE FAMILY. I’ve written before about my own fears and foibles in that regard. And I’ve often joked that the perfect woman for me would be an orphan. I'll take an emotional basket-case with daddy

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1134752841760261102005-12-16T11:52:00.000-05:002005-12-16T12:08:59.690-05:00

Received an email this morning from a casting director at ABC. Attached to the email was an application for ABC reality show "Hooking Up." I'm assuming she stumbled across this humble blog somehow.At any rate, GF and I, who met on Nerve, were big fans of the show so I immediately called her to tell her. In the excitement, or because she's develope the fine art of not listening to the words coming

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1134422927876896532005-12-12T16:28:00.000-05:002005-12-12T16:28:47.896-05:00

This Fish asks: "Do people really fly all the way across the country just for sex?"We all know the answer, but if you go to her site to help her out, she'll reward you by teaching you a great new word.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1134058831517459292005-12-08T11:18:00.000-05:002005-12-08T11:20:31.543-05:00

There it was, a Saturday night, in an East Village bar. I think it was called the Music Box, one of those places so sure of itself that it sees no need for a sign, no use of pulling open the window guard. Drinks were flowing and good-looking women were in abundance. And I had my arm around a younger guy who’d just bragged that he was a man-whore, a he-slut, a fellow at a stage in his life in

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1118183596484335332005-11-23T19:21:00.000-05:002005-12-08T11:23:11.836-05:00

NOTE: I wrote this one MONTHS ago and hit draft rather than post. Maybe my better half trying to protect me from myself. So, here it is with minor tweaks.A friend of mine is detailing a bit of a foul-up she had with her long-distance lover. After a stressful day at work, she'd gone out with a friend to wash the day away with some tequila. During the course of drinking, she and loverboy exchanged

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1132358649880443142005-11-18T18:57:00.000-05:002005-11-18T19:04:09.906-05:00

I never did like Match.com. Although I hear that with new ownership, Spring Streets/Nerve is acting a little shady lately. From Reuters.Match.com, a unit of IAC/Interactive Corp. is accused in a federal lawsuit of goading members into renewing their subscriptions through bogus romantic e-mails sent out by company employees. In some instances, the suit contends, people on the Match payroll even

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1132070256655267602005-11-15T10:55:00.000-05:002005-11-23T19:25:12.533-05:00

Not too long ago, before I was distracted from the worthy mission that is the Nondating blog, someone had mentioned a friend of a friend of a third cousin or something who had an “issue.” Don’t we all.The issue in this case was as follows: This hapless soul had been wronged in a relationship, been treated questionably, then unceremoniously dumped. Not only that, but the dumper wanted to . . .

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1131466812702847112005-11-08T11:16:00.000-05:002005-11-10T16:38:28.586-05:00

[Okay, boys and girls. I’m back. I’ll be posting to Nondating Life at least once a week. There’ll be something here every Tuesday. I swear. I promise. Really. Please take me back.]It’s funny, almost, how quickly and haphazardly your past can catch up to you. You tend to forget it’s right behind you, like a tailgater just waiting for you to even think about touching the brakes.A couple week backs,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1129328834687580442005-10-18T12:45:00.000-04:002005-10-18T12:42:10.783-04:00

And I wouldn't have known it if Esther hadn't pointed it out. Best Blog about Non-DatingWhat the hell?Ken Wheaton talks about dating, but not about dates. In his blog THE NONDATING LIFE, Wheaton pontificates about relationships between men and women, but mostly in the context of how we screw things up for each other. Actually, it's mostly about how he screwed things up for himself in the past,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1129653638447065852005-10-18T12:09:00.000-04:002005-11-08T11:25:37.226-05:00

This weekend, I journeyed up to Boston for a wedding. I'm not going to bore you with all the gory details. So a quick summary: *The ceremony was pleasant, consisting of some original writing by bride and groom, a justice of the piece, absent of both religious blather and ring children (or animals). The only thing I found lacking was an aisle. An aisle lets you know who's batting for which team--

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1129049853137513392005-10-11T11:48:00.000-04:002005-11-08T11:27:02.226-05:00

It wasn't supposed to go down the way it did. There I was, my sophomore year in college and I'd somehow found myself involved with one of the legends of campus, an older woman who had heads a turning, tongues a wagging. D. And she was mine.I was in a state of bliss. It was my first real relationship, the kind I'd always dreamed about. And it was time to meet the parents. Pfft.If I remember

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1127320348105667902005-09-21T12:32:00.000-04:002005-09-21T12:32:28.120-04:00

That said, the good folks in St. Landry Parish seem to be raking in a fair amount of goods from other parts in the country. Not so for Ville Platte, Louisiana, where my mama's people live. Evacuees who've landed in Ville Platte are spread throughout the area in people's homes, in hotels and at Chicot State Park (where I spent quite a bit of time as a child). There is no central shelter, but the

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1126018688349599602005-09-06T10:57:00.000-04:002005-09-06T10:58:08.363-04:00

Understandably, sitting on the sidelines in New York and watching fellow Americans suffer is as frustrating as it is heart-breaking. Especially for those of us from Louisiana and living elsewhere, we want to do something more than just send money to the American Red Cross, with the vague sense of unease that it may get spent on a company car or a press release or a box of donuts at headquarters.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1125597192318791532005-09-01T13:52:00.000-04:002005-09-01T13:53:12.336-04:00

The blogosphere today is conducting a concerted effort to raise money for victims of Katrina. I'm going to suggest donating be made to the American Red Cross or America's Second Harvest. I'm a secular kind of guy and it will go well with the 10K I won for them at that Hold 'Em tournament earlier this year. I've never received any money through my PayPal button, but any money sent in through

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1124726977372073082005-08-22T12:09:00.000-04:002005-11-08T11:28:58.616-05:00

Stay with me for a moment. I’d just like to say something.I know I’m beautiful. Some mornings, I get tired of looking at myself in the mirror, but I know I’m fine. I like my ass. I like my eyes. I like the shape and heft of my cock. I think my pecs are smoking hot, and if some stupid bitch doesn’t like me because my back’s a little hair or I’m vertically challenged, well, she can just bite me.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1124484887515759382005-08-19T16:54:00.000-04:002005-08-19T16:54:47.523-04:00

Yes, it's still going on. Vote until you get carpal tunnel.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1124311211028336722005-08-17T16:40:00.000-04:002005-08-17T16:40:11.036-04:00

No doubt you've all seen the nude photo of Jude Law making the rounds today. No? You haven't. Well, here you go ladies. At any rate, I find it interesting that everyone's passing this around and some people are even analyzing his naughty bits ... outside, naked, no shrinkage (yeah, I mean you, Robb)... and no one seems to feel much like they're doing anything wrong (and believe me, i did my fair

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1124033381709173592005-08-14T11:03:00.000-04:002005-08-14T12:23:48.460-04:00

I'm sitting in a Starbucks on Sunday morning, eating marble cake, drinking coffee--not something I do often, mind you, but someone gave me a $15 Starbucks Card and it wasn't going to use itself. My only regret is that Starbucks doesn't serve fried chicken.To my right, on the couch in the window, sits a woman, tarted up in a nice sun-dress and strappy heels. The dress has a support system that

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1123254705818451952005-08-05T10:51:00.000-04:002005-08-05T11:11:45.826-04:00

Hola Amigos. It's been awhile since I rapped at ya. Been busy with this and that and whatnot. So I thought I'd share an email exchange from earlier this week in which I offered up some practical dating advice (I mean apart from the "Don't Date" kind of advice). Email has been slightly edited to protect the innocent.Dear Ken,So I met this girl last week in a bar. Really, I had no major interest in

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1122561030674179072005-07-28T10:30:00.000-04:002005-07-28T10:30:30.683-04:00

A regular reader and fellow blogger sends along a link to a recent Dan Savage column in The Village Voice. I'm not going to out this reader because she probably doesn't want people to know that she reads this kind of smut on a weekly basis. For those of you not in the know, Dan Savage is, if I'm not mistaken, the gay husband of Michael Savage, and also writes about nasty things in the Voice. This

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1122304254451063392005-07-25T11:10:00.000-04:002005-07-25T11:10:54.456-04:00

I never ask you people for anything, but now I will. On behalf of my ego, I ask that you go here and vote for me in the Cosmo Media Man Search. Vote early and vote often. Not only can you, dear reader, be rewarded by knowing you've done me a solid, but you can also be rewarded with prizes. The person who is most creative with support of a candidate (Powerpoint presentations, sky writing, naked

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1121807786094426982005-07-19T17:15:00.000-04:002005-07-19T17:16:26.100-04:00

I've known guys like this:Hey, I don't want to brag, but when you got it, you got it. And when it comes to picking up women with severe personality disorders, I've got it. Seems like whenever I'm in the same room with a sexy young nutcase looking for some hot dysfunctional action, we lock eyes and I gaze right into the twisted, abnormal recesses of her psyche, and then—bam! We make an instant,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1119545060072158922005-06-23T12:35:00.000-04:002005-06-24T19:33:03.666-04:00

So People Magazine, in its infinite lack of wisdom when it comes to drawing up these lists, almost had a passing moment of inspiration when they picked a BLOGGER for its Most Eligible Bachelor issue. Sadly, they fumbled the ball. Turns out that not only was the blogger not me, but it was some other New York schlub who blogs about, get this, dating. Of course, I don't blog so much about dating as

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1119031107605175232005-06-17T13:55:00.000-04:002005-06-17T14:02:03.393-04:00

I'm stuck on trying to turn a Nondating post from a big pile of bitter rage into something that's funny. Until that happens, I suggest you get some dating advice from Humanity Critic.I speak from experience because I couldn't tell you how much women like the fact that I am a insufferable prick. I have actually told women to stay away from me, that I am a asshole, and that I might end up fucking

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1117893451030824692005-06-04T09:34:00.000-04:002005-08-14T12:24:38.913-04:00

(Previous post)I found some of the reaction to the story about the Raging Jerk who stiffed the Demanding Twit on the first date a little amusing. I trust that everyone understood that it was posted as a joke and that, more than likely, the story wasn't even true. Oddly enough, while everyone saw the guy as a jerk (even those who secretly approved of his behavior), pretty much everyone looked over

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1114544382959712802005-06-04T07:20:00.000-04:002005-06-04T10:42:16.680-04:00

Remember, for just pennies a day, you can help keep Ken in the bars, where most of these stories are

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1117572322215290572005-05-31T16:44:00.000-04:002005-05-31T16:45:22.226-04:00

I'll write something new soon. Until then, check this out from The Onion:An initially promising date between University of North Carolina seniors Mike Rafelson and Jill Zehme veered disastrously off course Monday night, when the two skipped directly to intense emotional bonding, tragically bypassing the physical intimacy that usually precedes it.And I like this quote:"We've all been there,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1116542367815223842005-05-19T18:26:00.000-04:002005-05-19T18:39:27.820-04:00

The post about the NonDate seems to have inspired a lot of thoughtful commentary elsewhere, including The Jewish Week. (Okay, so a LOT of the thoughtful commentary was from Esther, who blogged it here. But so did Scott at Singular Man.

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1116517748568990732005-05-19T11:48:00.000-04:002005-05-19T11:49:08.573-04:00

Well, for the guys at any rate. And to think I got this off of Gawker.When the BILL(S) came she sobered up fast. I caught a glimpse of hers, 5 drinks plus a little finger food $319.00 I think it was. She looked shocked and sick to her stomache when she saw 2 bills. Guess she thought I was buying. Think again. (The old me woulda soaked up the bill but steared her away from the Blue) I had 4 drinks

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1116116177960604642005-05-14T19:22:00.000-04:002005-06-04T10:40:55.116-04:00

(Previous post)A friend says to me the other day, "Oh, R. might have an issue for the Nondating Life.""What's that?" I say."He's going to hang out with a guy, but he doesn't know if it's a date or not.""Ohhhhhhhh," I say. "That."It's a classic situation. There's this guy or this girl. He's cute. She's hot. You sort of dig him or her. And, lately, you find yourself in date-like situations. And you

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1115389217430901712005-05-06T10:20:00.000-04:002005-05-06T10:21:11.126-04:00

[A Nondating Life interlude ... cross-posted at As I Please]George Orwell, writing about something called The Matrimonial Post and Fashionable Marriage Advertiser (now that's some ballsy personals) in 1944:The thing that is and always has been striking in these advertisements is that nearly all the applicants are remarkably eligible. It is not only that most of them are broad-minded, intelligent,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1114276131744135552005-04-23T12:50:00.000-04:002005-05-02T14:20:15.943-04:00

[Ed. note. Tired of fooling around with the date stamps and such, I've decided to just start posting these in regular blog fashion. I think you're smart enough to figure out where the other stuff is](Previous Post)"Dude, Kenny, she thinks she loves me," he says. I'm on the phone with a close friend of mine out in California."And we know this how?" I ask."She told me." "Oh.""Well, how long have

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110650774770403952005-03-12T13:00:00.000-05:002005-04-23T12:43:47.040-04:00

Welcome to The Nondating Life blog, a spinoff of As I Please. If you're somehow stumbling upon this for the first time, the answer is: "Oh, sure, this is supposed to be serious advice. ... if you never, EVER want to end up in a meaningful relationship." That said, you should definitely read all of it.I should point out that, unlike a regular blog, all new entries will post at the bottom (and all

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110645107657879572005-03-12T11:31:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:49:12.883-05:00

I've been toying with giving up "dating" as a New Year's Resolution, partly because it's a hell of a lot easier than giving up drinking, and partly because it would free me, finally, to write long, rambling diatribes about dating and gender issues. Why I've refused to tackle the subject so far is an essay in it's own right, but isn't dating stressful, horrifying and undignified enough without

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110645415712560522005-03-12T11:00:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:52:22.356-05:00

(Previous post)So maybe I will write about dating after all. I'm kind of sick of politics and world events and it's the middle of the winter, so why not? But if I start on a daily dose of mouthing off about the one area of my life in which I'm a complete basket case, I might provide some history. Word of warning: Some of you will find this post down-right puke worthy. Too personal. One

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110645854327845272005-03-12T10:57:00.000-05:002005-03-12T11:59:27.313-05:00

(Previous post)Boy, had I known that writing some sort of half-assed confessional bit about dating would have provoked such feedback, I might have skipped the whole thing. No, I'm not talking about the feedback in the comment section, most of which was either suitably goofy, thoughtful, or at least on topic. What I am talking about is the well-meaning folk who, for whatever reason, seem to think

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110645988624428582005-03-12T10:55:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:00:26.570-05:00

(Previous Post)So you want to start dating? Perhaps you were dropped on your head as a child. Perhaps you saw what was going on at Abu Ghraib and you felt left out. Perhaps you think that finding a complete stranger, convincing her/him to go out with you, enduring hours of anxiety, self-doubt, second-guessing, irritable bowel syndrome due to nerves and, eventually, an hour or two of inane chatter

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110646502569474182005-03-12T10:53:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:53:35.293-05:00

(Previous Post)It's an almost weekly event with one particular friend of mine. The IM window pops open and one of two messages comes across.1. Boys are stoopid.2. I've got it bad.Granted, the actual text of the messages my be different, but underlying whatever prattling is happening in IM is one of those sentiments. And why does this person come to me? The same reason we all go to other friends,

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647049304055332005-03-12T10:51:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:53:58.266-05:00

(Previous post)When it comes to dating and relationships, I'm not a big fan of the rules as handed down by the holy trinity of Cosmo, Maxim and Candace Bushnell. It's not that I think such rules are useless. It's only that I'm completely incapable of following them--and, in turn, I automatically assume that those who can follow them are broken on the inside and know nothing about the spontaneity

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647234851154452005-03-12T10:49:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:54:27.366-05:00

Or... Torturing an analogy to death(Previous Post)I sat across from her, my second beer going warm in my mug, trying to find the right words to let her down. It was one of those situations. She was an attractive girl but I wasn't attracted to her. Not really. A friend of mine had been attracted to her, but she'd used him to infiltrate our circle and get at some of the rest of us, including little

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647403435451072005-03-12T10:45:00.000-05:002006-08-17T15:17:50.446-04:00

(Previous post) BUY THIS BOOK!You say he's just a friend ...Hello, and welcome back to the Friend Zone. If you have your Frequent Friend Zone card on hand, we'll be happy to stamp it for you before we proceed. By now, you undoubtedly know the drill, but we will go through standard procedures anyway.First and foremost, we understand and sympathize with the fact that you are here against your will

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647603127481142005-03-12T10:44:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:55:38.086-05:00

(Previous Post)Thou hast cast someone into the Friend Zone. Yea, you have banished someone from the garden of your earthly delights, damning them to live in your absence.But, thou, too shall live by the rules set down by the elders.This, above all, shall thou keep in thine mind and in thine heart: Thou shalt not give cause for false hope. Verily, verily I say unto you my brothers and sisters...

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647771060298762005-03-12T10:41:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:56:37.183-05:00

(Previous post)I have this friend. It's always the same thing. Meets someone, gets interested. The intended victim returns the interest and the friend, suddenly, isn't so interested. The intended victim, an apparently rational person, decides to shove off, to spend time on more worthwile pursuits, like fighting crime or underwater basket weaving. But two days after the victim has wandered off to

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110647953540593382005-03-12T10:39:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:57:23.816-05:00

(Previous post)"You shouldn't fuck your friends, literally or figuratively."That's taken from an email sent to me by a friend of mine a while back. Poor sumbitch had gotten tangled up in one of my dramatic episodes and, rightly so, had had it up to here (imagine hand being held at eye-height). Oddly enough, I hadn't ever, EVER, fucked this particular friend, but that's irrelevant.What is relevant

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110648580846871752005-03-12T10:37:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:58:00.116-05:00

(Previous post)Hold on tight folks, here comes Valentine's Day, the holiday romantics just love to hate ... and regular folks just shrug off as another thing to get through.(Oh, and there's some practical advice buried in here somewhere.)For those of us who are single, it's a thousand stabs to the heart and ego to see all the happy couples enjoying a romantic evening (or three or four when, like

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110648852916245802005-03-12T10:36:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:58:56.356-05:00

When 'Ladies First' Is Optional(Previous post)There comes a time in a man's life when he wants nothing more in the world than to lean over to the person across from him, look into her (or his) eyes and stick his tongue into her mouth.But life, as we all know, is not that simple.It takes courage--real, liquid or some other type--to make that kind of move. And with good reason. Sticking your tongue

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110649053225858332005-03-12T10:35:00.000-05:002005-03-12T12:59:40.326-05:00

or, When 'Ladies First' is NOT Optionalor Don't Worry About Giving the Milk Away for Free, He's Already Made up His Mind Regarding the Purchase of This Particular Cow(Previous post)Now that you and your special friend have exchanged saliva, it's time to move on. You've put your tongue in her mouth, it's now time to put it elsewhere.Let's overlook the fact that I've managed to completely ignore

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11399161.post-1110649172113400742005-03-12T10:34:00.000-05:002005-03-12T13:00:10.500-05:00

(Previous post)Okay, boys and girls, this is going to be, for this series, a short one. Sure, I haven't yet told you how to snag a date, a lover, a shag or whatever it is you're looking for. Went straight to the sex. But this IS called the NONdating Life and I've admitted to being an idiot at my own relationships and, well, you get what you pay for. Today, we're going to talk about the great

Ken Wheatonnoreply@blogger.com5