The Nondating Life

Friday, June 17, 2005

Now for something different

I'm stuck on trying to turn a Nondating post from a big pile of bitter rage into something that's funny. Until that happens, I suggest you get some dating advice from Humanity Critic.

I speak from experience because I couldn't tell you how much women like the fact that I am a insufferable prick. I have actually told women to stay away from me, that I am a asshole, and that I might end up fucking their life up. The usual response is, "You're funny, here's my number."


Gets 'em every time.

But I really like this line.

If you are a alcoholic, try to keep that shit secret until the 5th date.


I'm still working on that one.

7 Comments:

  • Blame the maternal instinct. A woman hears a man is a jerk, and automatically she starts thinking, "Oh, poor lamb! He needs me!" All those "I can change you and make your life worth living" instincts that too many women seem to have in huge and unhealthy doses.

    Except me. I use all that shit up on all the genuine kids I deal with. My man, thank god, is a grown-up!

    By Blogger Mary P., at 8:12 AM  

  • People with issues gravitate towards other people with issues.

    By Blogger Sass, at 9:37 AM  

  • I guess mom was right when she said: "People always tell you who they are."

    I recently went on a date where the guy - less than five minutes into the covnersation told me he had "serious anger issues"

    And you know what went through my mind? Not good ole' mom's advice. It was something along the lines of: "What he'd just say? whatever. He's cute."

    You're psychic, Ken Wheaton.

    By Blogger NewYorkerGrrrl, at 9:46 AM  

  • i can't seem to keep the alcoholic part secret past the second date.

    Oh well.

    By Blogger Ashbloem, at 4:09 PM  

  • OK, I have TWO female friends who want to get together with me (not at the same time, they don't even know each other). They are both attractive, and sex would be fun, but they want MORE. I've told both of them: "You KNOW I am not interested in a relationship. You're going to end up hurt and heartsick, so just forget about it! It's your turn to buy drinks." I swear it makes them want me even more. There's just no accounting for it.

    And you know what, FUCK Mary P. A man doesn't want to be with YOU for the rest of his life, and that means he isn't "grown-up"? What terrible judgements do you have to make against homosexuals, or black athletes, or old republicans, or overweight children, or..... who else do you hate, Mary P?

    By Anonymous Mr. Farmer, at 1:00 PM  

  • I actually have a logical and rational explanation for why chicks still go for the prick:

    the fuck buddy.

    It's safe to have an asshole as your fuck buddy because he makes it impossible to have any sort of emotional attachment to him, but you can still fuck his brains out and rub your hands all over his body.

    read here for more on use pricks for good instead of evil

    By Blogger over educated nympho, at 11:49 PM  

  • This is a excellent blog. Keep it going.

    This may be of interest to you I have a free online dating service. It pretty much covers dating stuff.

    I'll be sure to come back.

    By Blogger kalisekj, at 4:13 PM  

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