The Nondating Life

Friday, August 05, 2005

Some Practical Advice...

Hola Amigos. It's been awhile since I rapped at ya. Been busy with this and that and whatnot. So I thought I'd share an email exchange from earlier this week in which I offered up some practical dating advice (I mean apart from the "Don't Date" kind of advice). Email has been slightly edited to protect the innocent.

Dear Ken,
So I met this girl last week in a bar. Really, I had no major interest in her, but I did think she was attractive and think I enjoyed talking to her.

Anyway, her friend gots my friend's card at the end of the night and later e-mails him saying "if STRIKING YOUNG LAD hasn't got a girlfriend can you give him PLEASANT YOUNG WOMAN's e-mail?"

So, obviously, it seems it's an option, and it doesn't seem to me it'd hurt to go have a drink with a lass on one of my free evenings. But here's the question... is it bad form to e-mail someone about having a drink when I can barely remember what she looked like? And, if I do so, could I be honest about how little I can remember of the night? (The latter would be especially relevant if we met again, as i'd have to recognize her in a bar.)

Bad form? HA! No way. Here was my response.

Hell yeah to the drink.
A guarded yes to admitting you were plastered: If she says, "Oh, don't worry, I was too," she digs you. If she says, "Oh, you didn't seem that drunk" she digs you a lot.
And it goes without saying that it would be a bad idea to tell her you don't remember what she looks like. For some reason, women get extremely sensitive about that sort of thing.
As far as recognizing her in a bar, two options,
1. Pick a place that won't be crowded at all, bring a book and get their early. Call her from the bar, tell her where you're sitting and never look up from the book. She'll find you. Bbonus points for a) reading and being smart and b) seeming so confident in yourself that you didn't have to look up every five seconds to see if she'd actually show up
2. Pick a place that will be so crowded that you two won't have a choice but to call one another when you arrive at the bar. Again, get to the bar first.

It also goes without saying that I'm not to be held responsible for anything that goes wrong if you're foolish enough to take my advice.

I thought about gussying this up and writing an extended entry, but I figured I'd let the stark simplicity of real email speak for itself. I'll follow up in the next few weeks to see how it went. And if you have your own problems are questions, feel free to ask.


  • So...that's how and why you guys do that kind of stuff. AH...enlightenment is comming to me. You know men are just as confusing as women.

    By Blogger astrocoz, at 2:31 PM  

  • Word to the wise: If she suggests going to a trendy uptown bar and starts tossing back Johnny Walker Blue Labels, run.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:21 PM  

  • I like idea number one the best.

    By Blogger nongirlfriend, at 11:43 AM  

  • Um, okay, just wanted to let you know that the book option doesn't always work--I did that once, and the guy did too--and we were sitting across the cafe, both reading, and neither one of us recognized the other. The date never fully recovered from our mutual embarrasment.

    By Blogger --, at 3:24 PM  

  • kristin,
    i don't mean to laugh, but that is sorta funny.

    By Blogger Ken Wheaton, at 5:02 PM  

  • I always think it looks so phony when someone is reading something in a bar--I mean something literary, like Ezra Pound's poetry or the Brothers Karamosov.

    The most mind-taxing thing you should be reading in a bar is a newspaper.

    By Blogger miriam, at 4:40 PM  

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