The Nondating Life

Friday, February 17, 2006

Counting Game

Ace nails it when it comes to how men and women count sexual experiences. Funnnneeee

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Big balling

So yesterday was Valentine's Day. I'm sure that due to all my expert advice over the past year, you all had a lovely day. Right?

Me? Pretty good. We started out the evening with a nice meal at a French restaurant. Had a bottle of wine. Just to make sure the French (and by "the French" I mean our Jamaican waitress) didn't get to full of themselves because I'd decided to grace them with my presence, we ordered a bottle of South African wine. Ahhhh, Shiraz ... the candy of red wine. Appetizer was mussels for the lady and foie gras for the sir. For dinner, the lady said she wasn't so hungry, so she watched while I ate a rack of venison so rare that I swear I heard it calling out to Thumper and Flower a couple of times.

And then we went bowling. Her idea, actually. And a fine idea. Bowling.

At the Port Authority bowling lanes. For those of you unfamiliar with New York City, Port Authority is the bus station and it's the one place left in Manhattan (aside from the front steps of shelters and some of your better media parties) where you are almost guaranteed to see a bum rolling around in his own feces while masturbating and quoting the Bible.

But the bowling alley is nice. It's actually just like a real live bowling alley you'd see in the rest of the world. GF didn't want to go to Bowlmor because it's, in her words, "a scene."

And that's exactly what Bowlmor is. Bowlmor is full of hipsters bowling ironically (and very daintily due to their to-tight jeans). Full of Wall Street types conducting team-building exercises. Bowlmor charges $12 for a Jack on the rocks. Bowlmor is dimly lit and cool. Bowlmor is where Manhattan goes to bowl. (I did consider Chelsea piers as well, but walking through all this slush was a no-no.)

Leisure Time had lots of bright white lighting. The bowlers there looked mostly like working-class folk who'd come in from Harlem or Queens or such. Leisure Time served white zinfandel at reasonable prices.

And while I don't feel a need to reveal our admittedly low scores, I will reveal that I won. GF won the first game handily. I won the second game. And the third? I won by 2 points (and this with the bowling machine GIVING her a false strike). And GF responded like a typical liberal ... all of a sudden a narrow defeat was the same as a victory, like this was Little League or some such and we all deserved a trophy. Actually it reminded me of what happens in the Daily Kososphere, where Democratic loss after Democratic loss is somehow translated into a moral victory of sorts.

In bowling as in politics, there are no moral victories.

(I have to admit, though, that I can't get over the feeling she threw the last game because I would have pouted about losing all night.)

On the way out, we stopped by the arcade and noticed it had a Dance Dance Revolution game. We didn't even go there. Firstly, GF isn't all that competitive. Secondly, she knew from experience--I got her DDR for the Xbox for Christmas--that she didn't stand a chance against my crazy Dance Dance moves.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Eharmonize this

Woman gets rebuffed by for being separated. Interesting case to say the least. Be sure to read the comments as well. If you're not cool enough to have a Consumerist commenting password, feel free to comment here.

I think Eharmony is well within its rights to ban separated people and that it's reason for doing so is spot on. However, I think I can imagine what kind of major blood vessels would burst in my brain if I made it all the way through that laborous questionnaire only to find out that the last question disqualified me. Uh, hello? Couldn't put a little warning at the beginning?

Friday, February 10, 2006

I Left My Heart in ...

Love@AOL has conducted a nationwide poll of best dating cities. Guess which Capital of the World isn't among them. Now, that COULD be because New York is a great place to catch the clap, but not Mr. or Ms. Right. Or it could be that about seven people in NYC would even think of participating in an AOL survey. I'll leave that up to you to decide.

But if you're living in Atlanta, then you're in luck. It comes in at No. 1.

Apparently, good, southern romance is the way to an Atlanta single’s heart. Sixty-four percent of first dates there start with dinner, and 80 percent of first dates end with a kiss. Afterward, singles can expect 56 percent of singles there to call within the next two days, and 34 percent of singles there have never used a break-up line.

Los Angeles comes in at No. 2, Houston at No. 3. For the rest of the list, follow the link.

There's also a more general survey, in which we learn, fellas, that you being a shiftless, unemployed hipster (i.e. "freelancer," "musician," or "artist") is indeed an issue. (Life lesson learned? Get a job.)

And women? Yeah, it's true. We don't like you once you get old. Sorry.

Found this interesting, though. Best place to line up a date?

Women Find:
- 24% From Friends & Family
- 15% Online
- 15% At Work

Men Find:
- 18% Online
- 18% From Friends & Family
- 14% At Work

Take that, losers!

But this was my favorite. What are you most likely to lie about?

- 78% Would Never Lie
- 6% Physical Appearance Such As Weight
- 6% Interests Such As Hobbies

- 71% Would Never Lie
- 7% Interests Such As Hobbies
- 6% Career or Job

What does this prove? That over 70% of both men and women are lying.

At least the guys had the class to tell the truth about what first attracts them:

First Attraction
Women Like:
- 32% Sense of Humor
- 19% Physical Appearance/Body
- 14% Caring/Sensitivity

Men Like:
- 32% Physical Appearance/Body
- 24% Beautiful Face/Eyes
- 16% Sense of Humor

Absent from the women's list? Money! (Remember... being unemployed is their biggest issue. And there's no way you're joking your way out of that one, sparky.)

And, finally, proving my suspicion that not many New Yorkers took this survey?

The right time to have sex? Women: - 40% One to Three Months

MONTHS?!? All the New York women I know are firm believers in the three-DATE rule. ... if they can even hold out that long. (Hell, they can even be convinced that staying out past midnight counts as a second date.)

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Speaking of Nondates

I've written about nondates before. There's a Wikipedia entry with a much funnier name for it: Schrodinger's Date.

UPDATE: Rotten bastards voted for deletion. Oh well. Go watch this. It's funny.